She of the red ink

Many people, specifically writers, theoretically appreciate what editors do, but in practice, wish they would go edit someone else's work and leave theirs alone. This includes one of my former co-workers, who, I am sure, secretly harbors thoughts of permanently rubbing us all out with an erasable red pen. 


Because of our fondness for using a great deal of red ink on his writing, and because all the editors happened to be female, this former co-worker dubbed us the Red Ink Sisterhood. This name was used with great affection, in the sense one would affectionately call a pack of wolves the Cuddly Doggies. No doubt he privately thought of us as the Red Ink Terrorists. Even after we had long abandoned red pens and pencils in our editing, we were still "the Sisterhood."


When I landed my new position recently, this individual was concerned that I might not be adequately prepared for my new duties. He therefore sent me a care package consisting of a box of red pens and red pencils for my future Sisterhood work, along with a congratulatory letter typed in red ink. A portion of the letter is reprinted here, with some editorializing in brackets so that you can understand the depth of emotion behind the words:


Dear H.B. [Member of the Dreaded Sisterhood]:


Enclosed please find a fresh supply of the "Editor's Favorite Tools" [chainsaws]. I thought you might put them to good use as you get yourself situated in your new job [tear up unsuspecting authors' manuscripts]. Perhaps you can start a new chapter of the Sisterhood [and terrorize new writers]. After all, you were a member in good standing here [reduced my 80,000-word masterpieces to sound bites].


Ha ha! Of course I mean you do good work [should be sent to prison with no chance for parole]. 


Best,
C.S. [Individual Against Editors]


Naturally I promptly sent a thank-you to show my appreciation for his thoughtfulness:


Dear C.S. [Individual Who Harbors Thoughts of Ill Will Toward Me]:


Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift of the "Editor's Favorite Tool" [chainsaws]. I'm sure the pens and pencils will come in very handy at my new job as I seek to publish the best books in the field [tear up authors' hard work]. 


I shall endeavor to establish a new chapter of the Sisterhood that will make us all proud [strike fear into the hearts of authors]. However, we may need to come up with a new name [and a special incantation], as we are not all female in the new group. Perhaps we could be the Red Ink Sister- and Brotherhood? the Red Ink Siblings? Equal Opportunity Sisters and Brothers? the Gender-Neutral 'Hood? [the Editors?].


The pens and pencils will occupy a place of honor on my new desk [minus the pencils that the Hero has already appropriated for his own devices]. I appreciate your kindness [thinly veiled sarcasm]. I always enjoyed working with you [tearing up your writing]. Best of luck!

Sincerely,
H.B. [A Sister in Good Standing]


If ever there is a bill put forth in Congress to outlaw editors, I will know who is behind it.