Tips for miscommunication

Note: This note has little or nothing to do with today's post, but sometimes public service announcements must be made. Due to an incident yesterday, the Hero is forthwith banned from any contact with bubble wrap. Without giving too many details, let us just say that if any entities -- the government comes to mind -- are interested in investigating new forms of "coercion," they would do well to hire the Hero and sixteen rolls of bubble wrap.


Companies interviewing candidates for employment are naturally interested in knowing how you, a prospective employee, communicate and get along with fellow workers. Following are several sample questions you might be asked:


1. Which of the following best describes your highest level of communication with others in a work situation?
a. I make every effort to communicate with high verbosity in every work situation.
b. When asked, I might say something of little consequence to the task at hand.
c. I have not communicated verbally with others in a work situation.


2. If you answered c to #1, how HAVE you communicated with others in a work situation? (Check all that apply.)
a. grunts
b. smoke signals
c. exchanging spit wads
d. tossing rocks with notes attached
e. leaving notes in the restroom stalls ("Stop taking my lunch, you moron!")


3. What type of management style do you prefer to work under?
a. collaborative
b. nosy
c. benign neglect
d. Do I have to work under a manager? Can't I just, like, work totally unsupervised, like, at home every day by myself?


4. Describe an occasion when you took extra effort to make sure a co-worker had understood what you said. How did you do this?
a. I focused all my attention on him, spoke slowly and clearly, and waited until I received confirmation that he was with me before moving on.
b. I asked him to repeat what I had said.
c. I whapped him on the side of the head.

5. What must be true about an organization's communication in order for you to work most effectively?

a. Everyone must be committed to sharing what is going on with their action updates.

b. Everyone must respect others' verbal contributions.

c. I prefer that no one talk to me. Ever.

6. If you answered c to #5, what if there's cake in the break room?

a. Okay, THEN they can talk to me.

Naturally some of these answers are more acceptable than others to the majority of employers. However, don't expect US to tell you which ones are which. Just be warned -- if you don't choose the correct answers, well, you don't want us sending the Hero and his bubble wrap after you...