Against my better judgment, I made a trip to the local Y the other day to work out. I logged in with some trepidation to the all-knowing system that records your workout activity.
"Our records show that it has been...17 years since your last visit," it said.
What was this, some kind of dog-year thing?
"For every week you do not work out," it scolded, "you lose .2 pounds of muscle. By our account you have lost...uh, let's see...all of your muscle mass now."
This explains a lot. It explains why, although the system said that I was supposed to be lifting, say, 40 pounds on the overhead shoulder press, I was only able to lift, um, less than that. However, I discovered that it is possible to deceive the system about how much weight you are actually lifting. Let's say your target is 180 pounds, and instead you lift only 5 (which of course you would never do).
"Congratulations!" the screen says. "You have met your target."
So if there is any loss of muscle mass going on here, I am not completely to blame.
After meeting my goal of 180 (ahem) pounds on the machines, I tried the treadmill. The treadmill and I took some time to come to an understanding. I figured I should start out at a leisurely pace (just above sleepwalking) so as not to overdo things, since according to the system I had not done this in 17 years. The treadmill evidently failed to recognize my serious intentions, because it stopped several times without warning.
"What's this?" it said. "Is there a fly on me? Get moving!"
Luckily I was moving at that nice leisurely pace, because if I had been moving any faster, I might have ended up across the room when it quit on me.
When I checked out of the system at the end, it announced that I had lifted 1,076 pounds that session. The next day my arms ached. I plan to heed experts' advice, and listen to my body. My body is saying I definitely should not go back.
1 comment:
A-hem...
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